WARNING: long post ahead, but please take your favorite drink and read it and hopefully be blessed.
What happen in JUNE:
1st. One of the helper that used to take care my
grandparents (from my mom side) is sick in Belitung, so my eldest aunt decided
to bring her to Jakarta to check on her. She’s been loosing a significant
amount of weight and we fear somethings wrong. She’s been with our family for
about 40 years. I think, you could say by now she’s like a family to my mom and
aunts. She dedicated all her 40 years for us, she’s unmarried, she’s a great
cook and she always cook+take care of us whenever we visit.
And after changing 3 hospitals and doctors, she
finally diagnosed with this sickness we fear most. Blood-Cancer (multiple
myeloma, if you wanna google). And it’s already at the end-stage. It hit her
kidney bad, both of her kidneys damaged, we began doing dialysis for her last
week. And soon will hit her brain, which will caused her unconscious. Of course
we are all trying to help her the best that we can financially, but you know
all of us has limitations, and for the first time i feel so frustrated because
i can’t give what i want to give. I can’t help her out. She wanna be well, and
i feel it’s wrong if we “cut” her chance by sending her back. I know and fully
understand that this sickness cannot be cured, the only thing the doctor and
medicine and treatment do is to slow the progress of her cancer. But still it’s
unfair. Belitung has no facility for dialysis and when the cancer hit all her
bones, she’ll be painful and i’m not sure the hospital there can handle her treatments.
But if we send her back when it’s too late she won’t be able to meet her
families back there. So it’s like we don’t know what to do. We’re hitting dead
end on both decisions. We did check on how to bring her back and guess what,
aside from the letter from hospital, must be accompanied by medical assistant
and family member, we also MUST buy 12 seats - -“ which i think it’s
ridiculous. I personally think 8 seats will be sufficient + it’s not like she’s
contagious or anything.
The good thing is though, she wanted to accept
Jesus as her savior and she asked for it too. I was pretty shocked as well,
because none of her family member is a believer (they even went to “orang
pinter” and ask the status of their sister, and the “orang pinter” said she cannot
be healed). At first when i heard this, i asked God: why don’t You saved her
and prove them all wrong. Why can’t You heal her and perform a miracle so the
entire family will believe in You. But who am i right? To question Him. He’s in
control and He knows what He’s doing. Right?
2nd. One of my uncle is sick too. He fell down a
couple months ago and broke his arm. Now he’s completely bed-ridden, and lately
he refuses to eat. He’s very skinny when i last saw him, recently he has a
fever from the infection on his back from lying down too much. My aunt called
my mom crying. His sickness mainly started from himself (mentally) he was badly
hurt from his last job (i think falsely accused) and it affect him negatively,
almost ruin him to this point. He has no confidence, he doesn't wanna see
people, doesn't wanna go out, etc. He was recently asked to be baptized too, he
said he want to accept Jesus. I prayed for him asking God to come meet him,
give him peace and comfort and to be his confidence so he can get back up
again. But you know up ‘til now he’s still weak and weaker if i may say.
3rd. My other aunt + uncle have to start their lives
from 0. Because they got fooled by people and that made them fall into huge
deep debt. They loose their house, their credit got ruin too. We keep praying
for their faith so they can stay strong and for God to sustain them.
4th. With all things happened and with busyness at
work, my mom is sick too. She lost his voice just a couple days ago. She still
working (even though i asked her to rest and stay at home, it happened to be a
crucial merger time in the company) and trying her best to be there for all the
family member. To top it off, my dad is sick too. He’s been having pain on his
legs, especially on his knee. And he refuses to go to the doctor. This whole
thing get me so frustrated. He also think that this is not the right time to
go, both timing and financial reasons especially, because we also helping out
what we can for the cancer treatment. But it upsets me that he thinks he is
less important than what happen now, and that he’ll be a burden financially.
He’s never a burden because i love him! I wish he could understand that God
will sustain us even when we’re not rich. Right? We have never give ‘til it
hurts and i wish we can do that as a family not foolishly but sincerely,
genuinely. Because You’re on our side when we do so, right God? And i can trust
my parents with you right God? When we help out others, they’re not going to be
sick too. Right?
I still
wanna help out what i can. I've been holding on to “more love is always better
than no love at all” and i asked God last night: God i thought you say: love
never fails. Even though everyone said she’s dying i still wanna help and even
though they said the money’ll go to waste i still sincerely wanna fight for
her. I wish You would heal her. I wish
nothing go to waste.
5th. We’re planning (from last month) to move this
weekend (we have a long weekend in Indonesia) but unfortunately with all that
happened i’m almost positive we have to postpone.
As i ended the day last night in tears from
discouragement of what happened, on what my dad thinks, disappointed wishing i
have a different better financial situations, i came across this post on
Proverbs 31 ministries Facebook page. “God is the source and everything else is
a resource.” (Please click for bigger picture so you can read it better)
I feel like i fell down, but get carried now.
Please pray for us to keep our faith, relying on God the provider despite what
happened or what will happen. Because only then we can come out victoriously. Only with God. no-one else, nothing else.
And i hope even though this post is rather long,
sad and somewhat discouraging, you will get that feeling of being carried as
well J
P.S.:
Lesson learned: you know how i like being sick
(because i like the attention), i’ve learned well, i don’t wanna be sick, i
wish i can be healthy the rest of my life. I realize it’s a choice for me and
it’s a selfish choice to be sick. If you are fortunate enough to have a choice
of being healthy/not, please always choose healthy for your sake and people
around you. And always learn to save. Early. Even when you don’t need , just
save it first. (save=nabung)
