God is The Source and everything else is a resource

WARNING: long post ahead, but please take your favorite drink and read it and hopefully be blessed.

What happen in JUNE:

1st. One of the helper that used to take care my grandparents (from my mom side) is sick in Belitung, so my eldest aunt decided to bring her to Jakarta to check on her. She’s been loosing a significant amount of weight and we fear somethings wrong. She’s been with our family for about 40 years. I think, you could say by now she’s like a family to my mom and aunts. She dedicated all her 40 years for us, she’s unmarried, she’s a great cook and she always cook+take care of us whenever we visit.

And after changing 3 hospitals and doctors, she finally diagnosed with this sickness we fear most. Blood-Cancer (multiple myeloma, if you wanna google). And it’s already at the end-stage. It hit her kidney bad, both of her kidneys damaged, we began doing dialysis for her last week. And soon will hit her brain, which will caused her unconscious. Of course we are all trying to help her the best that we can financially, but you know all of us has limitations, and for the first time i feel so frustrated because i can’t give what i want to give. I can’t help her out. She wanna be well, and i feel it’s wrong if we “cut” her chance by sending her back. I know and fully understand that this sickness cannot be cured, the only thing the doctor and medicine and treatment do is to slow the progress of her cancer. But still it’s unfair. Belitung has no facility for dialysis and when the cancer hit all her bones, she’ll be painful and i’m not sure the hospital there can handle her treatments. But if we send her back when it’s too late she won’t be able to meet her families back there. So it’s like we don’t know what to do. We’re hitting dead end on both decisions. We did check on how to bring her back and guess what, aside from the letter from hospital, must be accompanied by medical assistant and family member, we also MUST buy 12 seats - -“ which i think it’s ridiculous. I personally think 8 seats will be sufficient + it’s not like she’s contagious or anything.

The good thing is though, she wanted to accept Jesus as her savior and she asked for it too. I was pretty shocked as well, because none of her family member is a believer (they even went to “orang pinter” and ask the status of their sister, and the “orang pinter” said she cannot be healed). At first when i heard this, i asked God: why don’t You saved her and prove them all wrong. Why can’t You heal her and perform a miracle so the entire family will believe in You. But who am i right? To question Him. He’s in control and He knows what He’s doing. Right?

2nd. One of my uncle is sick too. He fell down a couple months ago and broke his arm. Now he’s completely bed-ridden, and lately he refuses to eat. He’s very skinny when i last saw him, recently he has a fever from the infection on his back from lying down too much. My aunt called my mom crying. His sickness mainly started from himself (mentally) he was badly hurt from his last job (i think falsely accused) and it affect him negatively, almost ruin him to this point. He has no confidence, he doesn't wanna see people, doesn't wanna go out, etc. He was recently asked to be baptized too, he said he want to accept Jesus. I prayed for him asking God to come meet him, give him peace and comfort and to be his confidence so he can get back up again. But you know up ‘til now he’s still weak and weaker if i may say.

3rd. My other aunt + uncle have to start their lives from 0. Because they got fooled by people and that made them fall into huge deep debt. They loose their house, their credit got ruin too. We keep praying for their faith so they can stay strong and for God to sustain them.

4th. With all things happened and with busyness at work, my mom is sick too. She lost his voice just a couple days ago. She still working (even though i asked her to rest and stay at home, it happened to be a crucial merger time in the company) and trying her best to be there for all the family member. To top it off, my dad is sick too. He’s been having pain on his legs, especially on his knee. And he refuses to go to the doctor. This whole thing get me so frustrated. He also think that this is not the right time to go, both timing and financial reasons especially, because we also helping out what we can for the cancer treatment. But it upsets me that he thinks he is less important than what happen now, and that he’ll be a burden financially. He’s never a burden because i love him! I wish he could understand that God will sustain us even when we’re not rich. Right? We have never give ‘til it hurts and i wish we can do that as a family not foolishly but sincerely, genuinely. Because You’re on our side when we do so, right God? And i can trust my parents with you right God? When we help out others, they’re not going to be sick too. Right?

 I still wanna help out what i can. I've been holding on to “more love is always better than no love at all” and i asked God last night: God i thought you say: love never fails. Even though everyone said she’s dying i still wanna help and even though they said the money’ll go to waste i still sincerely wanna fight for her.  I wish You would heal her. I wish nothing go to waste.

5th. We’re planning (from last month) to move this weekend (we have a long weekend in Indonesia) but unfortunately with all that happened i’m almost positive we have to postpone.

As i ended the day last night in tears from discouragement of what happened, on what my dad thinks, disappointed wishing i have a different better financial situations, i came across this post on Proverbs 31 ministries Facebook page. “God is the source and everything else is a resource.” (Please click for bigger picture so you can read it better)

I feel like i fell down, but get carried now.

Please pray for us to keep our faith, relying on God the provider despite what happened or what will happen. Because only then we can come out victoriously. Only with God. no-one else, nothing else.

And i hope even though this post is rather long, sad and somewhat discouraging, you will get that feeling of being carried as well J

P.S.:

Lesson learned: you know how i like being sick (because i like the attention), i’ve learned well, i don’t wanna be sick, i wish i can be healthy the rest of my life. I realize it’s a choice for me and it’s a selfish choice to be sick. If you are fortunate enough to have a choice of being healthy/not, please always choose healthy for your sake and people around you. And always learn to save. Early. Even when you don’t need , just save it first. (save=nabung)

“Either I win or I learn, but with God’s help I never lose.”

A year ago my best friend had asked me if I wanted to join starting up a restaurant. I was pretty excited! I mean i never own anything that big, but yet at the same time thinking: there's quite an amount to invest and it will be a long time return. My family is never a business-minded people and we always "play things safe" :we buy things when we have money, we don't owe the bank and we're not risk-taker. And with my dad's unstable health condition, we always have to make sure we have hard cash on hand! I was a bit contemplating whether or not I should join and finally ask my parents for permission. I don't own a lot of spare-money so this investment is indeed significantly reducing my bank account.

And here we are a year later, my lil' restaurant made me proud, but we're not doing as well as we thought we would. We struggle in marketing and promoting our place. I pray for our place every morning, for God to bless our place and was feeling a bit discourage when things are stagnant but today i came across this article, just what i need, and i thought i'd share :) (It's applicable too if you're a worker)

"I pray that you are inspired by God’s word.  Your faith in yourself and your business are key to your long-term success. Starting a small business is a spiritual journey. You should pick a verse that will inspire you. I thought it would be helpful to share some of my favorites. Use these bible verses in the good and tough times in your small business." - Melinda Emerson

1. Deuteronomy 8:18 NIV But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.  All of our skills and special talents that we use in our businesses are all given to us by God.  He gives us the ability to make money and cut deals.  He did it for our parents and mentors and he does it for us too.
2. Romans 12:2 NIV Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.  The bible commands us to be innovative in our businesses. We should not ever try to be like anyone else. The world is still waiting on a better mousetrap, and we should never rest on our successes. We must renew ourselves by being lifelong learners and reading constantly.
3. I Thessalonians 5:16-19 NIV Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances; this is the will of God for your life.  It is important to have a prayerful life as an entrepreneur; it will help you on those days when things do not go your way.  You need to have the strength to thank God, even when you do not win that big contract. God protects us when we do not get opportunities that we think we can’t survive without. Always be grateful.
4. Proverbs 16:18 NIV Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Many entrepreneurs struggle with pride. Do not be afraid to tell clients or employees that you do not know the answer. Try to diffuse any issues with truth and by taking full responsibility for fixing the problem.  Never let your ego get in the way of doing what’s in the best interest of your business.
5. II Corinthians 9:8 NIV And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. God always delivers to us what we need in order to do our best work.  Sometimes he sends a check we need just in time, and other times he sends us creativity to find the best solution to our challenges. Trust in the Lord at all times.
6. II Timothy 1:7 NIV For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. Fear is the enemy of entrepreneurship. God wants us to go out with the power he gives us to pursue our ideas in business.
7. Hebrews 12:11 NIV No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. You must be fiscally disciplined in business. You cannot put all your hard work at risk by not being focused on your big picture goals and your monthly sales goals. It is painful at times, but it will produce quite a harvest.
8. I Corinthians 9:24 NIV Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Running a business is hard. It’s a marathon not a sprint. There will be plenty of stumbling blocks in your way. Everyone trips and falls while running this race, but winners get up faster than everyone else. You must do what you need to do to win your race.
9. Mark 5:36 NIV Overhearing what they said, Jesus told them, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” There will be times when you are the only person who believes in your business dream. Don’t be afraid. Believe in yourself and your business idea.
10. Ecclesiastes 11:4 AMP He who observes the wind [and waits for all conditions to be favorable] will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. You must be willing to make decisions in your small business. No one is going to come along and do it for you.  Make hard decisions quickly, so you can move on to doing the work needed to help your customers.
11. Proverbs 11:14 NIRV Without the guidance of good leaders a nation falls. But many good advisers can save it. It is critical to have a kitchen cabinet of advisors for your small business. Your business will not survive on your experience alone. Pull together four to five people who are invested in your success. The group should include an existing entrepreneur, a customer, a mentor, a lawyer and a accountant. Seek out a mastermind group or peer to peer mentoring program to help as well.
12. Philippians 4:13 NKJV I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.Whenever you struggle with your self-confidence read this bible verse to yourself.  There will be times in your business when you need to force yourself to stretch beyond what you think is possible. You can do it. I believe in you.

We experienced number 5 during the fasting month (Lebaran) in Indonesia, we have to give our worker THR (13th salary) for the Hari Raya, and that month despite being the fasting month (Lesser people eat lunch) God provided more income that month so we can pay our workers.

We are now in need to boost our sales up to cover our monthly cost and currently looking for anyone who can help us in marketing, if you know anyone that would be interested, please pm me for details.

In the mean while i'll continue praying :) I hope we are all encouraged! My mom is proudly going to retired this year... I really hope my lil' investment could bless my parents. God's time is best. God knows what's best. CIA YOU!

Oyeah... and our house is done :D we're looking to move starting end of this month to early next month, slowly, thank God for the close distance. Praise God who provides! :)

and happy b'dayyyyyy WESSS :* I hope i can be there to kiss squeeze and hug you, and you'll probably end up crying after i did all thatttt hehehee

Jakarta Flood

As you might have heard, Jakarta was hit by flood over the past week. Heavy rain + Flood from neighboring areas such as Bogor and Puncak + High tide = Jakarta cannot contain it anymore. As you know/predict we don't have a good sewer/drainage system here, and trash/garbage are everywhere on the street and the gutter, so the water have nowhere to go except to overflow on the streets.

Thankful for friends who showed their care and concern for me and my family :) we are doing ok. The flood on the area where I live was entering my garage area but thank God it stopped there. However, we are surrounded by flood so we have no access in/out the main road. I was out of work for 3 days. And as much as I love my day off, I was actually wanting to go to work but I can't T.T Electricity was forced to shut off for safety because the electrical substation was flooded and we have limited supply of clean water, but thank God for my parents and my very present help in time of need: God who are with us through it all :) I'm sharing some pictures of what it looks like in front of my house:

Some area was hit pretty bad, and some are unexpected area (like the Pluit area), so a lot of them are unprepared. My relatives who live there have to evacuate themselves, because the flood was too high it's not safe anymore. Some pictures from them: (their neighbor, who doesn't wanna leave the house took these pictures for them)

in house

outside house

A lot of people in that area don't wanna leave their house and choose to live on their 2nd floor because of the unsafe environment. Some houses/mini market actually got rob T.T hearing this news make me feel really sad, I mean who would do that, don't you see they are also victim, why would you rob victims? T.T but also a good reminder about storing things that have eternal value rather than earthly things. 

Interesting thing is in the flood there are few animals found, I don't know if this for real or not, but it's dangerously cool hehehe :p

Praying for all the victims and for all of us to be God extended hands in caring for them. Jakarta still on the flood alert until January 27, or so they say, because January 27 supposedly is the highest tide on the sea and with high chance of rain, Jakarta is predicted to have another unavoidable big flood.

But thank God for even bigger God :)

2013

Happy New Year! :D
It's 2013 people :)


I thank God for all of you (yes, it's you! who are reading this now), for being God extended hands in rebuking, loving and caring for me over the past year. Also for sharing your good times and bad times to me, setting an example before me, and for staying positive regardless what happened. You are a blessing and an inspiration. Very encouraging like KLOVE :p ! I hope this year and the next years to come the blessings will continue to be shared!

What's new in 2013?
1. I started this journal devotion, it was a gift from my friend Jane for my b'day. I am excited to start!

2. On a come-back-to-work day after the holidays, I fell. And I fell hard, in front of a bank, pants ripped on the knee area, my right shoes flew. After the fall, I quickly fix myself then I realized the rip and the wounds and cuts and soon-to-be-bruises. When I got back to the office I clean the wounds with water and it sting like crazy T.T then betadine to the rescue and some band-aids.

I went to take money for the office, I was nervous carrying quite an amount. As I walked out I whispered: "Tuhan Yesus, tolong nana." At the end the money was saved but apparently my pants can't make it. Don't ask me how I fell - -" all I remembered was losing balance and there's nothing or anyone to hold on to T.T so yeah... I fell. But thank God, my ankle was not sprained and my bones was not fractured. So I guess I was ended up saved too :D I had to throw the pants away though...

Phew! Well that was an interesting start for the year!
What's your story?
Whatever it is, know that His grace is sufficient for you (2 Cor 12:9)
Have an awesome year with God!

My Chinese Name

So it's all started during ci en's wedding. The wedding was basically consist of 2 languages: English & Chinese. One of the MC start asking me what's my Chinese name because he'll need to translate it. And of course everybody else (the keppo friends) started to butt in :p

All my life, I've been told my chinese name is: Chai Song Na (direct reading, please pardon the spelling). And I never knew how to write it or how to say it in the correct way, and sadly, I also don't know what's the meaning. And because I don't know how to write it, my Chinese expert friend (Arlin :p) can't help me :( And they all say that chinese doesn't have a "Song", and Song is korean and the fact that I'm not korean T.T

Just by the little information they know, according to arlin: I'm a vegetable delivery T.T I feel a bit sad, because for all I know Chinese names are usually deep and meaningful and for girls they usually have relation with being pretty or graceful.

The one that name me is my Great great grandma and my Grandpa, but both are already went back to be with the Lord. Feeling desperate, I quickly sent my dad a message to see if anyone in the family can help me with this.

And thank God my Grandpa's brother was able to write down for me and now I finally know what's the meaning of it :D Proudly sharing:

What it means:

Chai Song Na is how you would say it in Hakka/Khek Language (in the many language of Chinese) so I wasn't technically wrong on the "Song" and in Chinese Mandarin it would say: Chai Chang Na, this what the most common people use.

After knowing what it means, I think it somewhat fitting: I do like to sing/talk/make noise hahaha :D but deeper meaning would be that I always sing praises to God :) and I would certainly hope I am, I do and I will :) Thank God for my Great great grandma and Grandpa who name me :D they're thoughtful.

What's your Chinese name and the meaning do share :D

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone. May the spirit of Christmas live in us not only on Christmas time but everyday of the year :D

Urgent House Renovation

Wednesday morning:

Sunday after church, my dad had a gathering with his choir member (near the church; the church is walking distance from my house) Anyhow.. so as my dad walked home after the gathering he saw that our roof has fallen a bit. he start panicking, with the help of my uncle who also live nearby, they saw the roof (using ladder and flashlight) and its indeed  not in a good condition (the woods holding our roof has been eaten by termite) and it could fall down anytime, basically it's dangerous, especially urgent because rainy season is just around the corner.

The house need immediate renovation. So we've been trying to found a new temporary house that we can move in immediately while having our current house fix. My dad feel a little bum-out because the temporary house we suppose to live in has just renewed their contract. So we have no spare-house.

So we are still in search and in need of temporary housing for about a year T.T A lot of places for rent asking  for 2 years contract. And my dad prefer to be in the area soalnya it'll be easier for him to control tukang2 and any renovation done on our house. There's one empty house in particular we've been praying about, except that the  owner doesn't have any intention to rent-out the place, we've been asking them to re-consider :) It's walking distance from my house too.

We've been praying for about 3 days now, and God still sustaining our house so far :) so thank God :)  we've been slowly moving stuff from 2nd floor to 1st floor. According to my dad if the roof happen to fall, 2nd floor gonna be super damage while 1st floor still going to have strong foundation to hold. and 2nd floor is where our room is too, where we hang out the most! - -" It's a little scary to think: what if the roof fall when we're taking shower/when we're sleeping :D but i know He listens to our payers and His protection is upon us.

Praying for my dad, he's super stress and he's always the pessimistic type, so i was hoping through this he can also increase in faith and trusting that God will indeed meet our need in His time. Hopefully this could be our "experiencing-God" experience. We feel that God was involved from the beginning. First: He warns us, through my dad, could accidentally see the roof when he was walking home, anyone could miss seeing that, i mean i pass the house all the time i never pay attention to the roof, plus my dad rarely hangs out outside church activity, so we believe this was not a coincidence. Second: He provides us with enough money for renovation just a few days before this all happened (through the payment of our place that we rent out). I'm sure He'll bring us through this as well :) Plus, He said: i can trust Him

Wednesday evening:

During dinner time, we received good news, that they're willing to rent the place for us for a year

Thursday:

They gave us rent-price

This weekend:

they need to do some cleaning and touch-ups since the house was unattended before.

Next weekend:

the moving-day! :D

Hopefully we can endure the temporary house well :)

I'm just in awe seeing all this in front of my eyes.

Praise God, He has meet our needs, again! <3>

"you can trust Me"

We (my parents and I)  just had a blood test check up last week. Prior to the blood test day we prayed together especially for my dad, he had trouble going to the bathroom (doing number 2) so we're afraid something might be wrong on his stomach. He's planning to have his feces check.

Let alone, last month one of my relatives got into the hospital, and we found out that his duodenum was bleeding, he was throwing up blood, it's was pretty critical. My dad, in his life had experienced this twice! By God's grace, he's still alive and well. Plus my grandma passed away from stomach/colon cancer. This whole thing add to our worry.

I've watched the daughter of my relatives, when his dad was in the hospital. It's just such a devastating view. My heart broke for her broken heart, seeing his dad lying on the hospital bed, especially during critical time. We all cried but at the same time she has to be strong for the family, it's tough T.T

Back to my prayer: it's hard for me to pray to God with all these worries i have. What if God gave me the worst scenario ever, i'm not ready, i don't want to, i can never be ready. But during prayer time, God gently whisper to me: "It's ok na, you can trust Me." so i continue praying. Whatever happen, i can trust Him.

The blood test result came back 2 days after. And praise God for our results. After getting back the result, that voice re-sounded again in my ear: "I told you, you can trust Me." even when things are the opposite "you can trust Me." :')

Once again He proves us wrong (from all the negative thoughts we had/have)

He's a God we can trust :') <3>