Update

People are leaving, what's new *sighhh*
Yup, my roomate is leaving in 3 weeks :(
My other friend is leaving for good on july
My bff is leaving on december
and so i think maybe this time it's my time too...
I don't know...

I cry myself to sleep last night, asking-pleading God to just let me know what He wants me to do next. The time is so near it scares me... I'm not doing my part to extend my h1b while the time i supposed to do it is NOW! I wanted to wait. I want to wait. For I know that He is always on-time. And so i thought the time is NOW. NOW is the deadline. But all i hear was silence.

I remembered hearing klove sometimes last week about how you know when God's talking to you, how you hear God's voice. I heard bunch of different stories, one that i remembered was this guy sitting on his truck about to use drugs but then God intervered. He said it was like a voice in his heart and life been different ever since. I went to ALCF for their Night of Worship last week and one of the testimony was also about God intervering with lifes and lifes change.

But what about me? How come i haven't heard anything yet God?
Sometimes i wonder if i already know the answer and i'm just afraid to go with it.

The easier life would be staying here, apart from it's hard being away from my parents of course. But here, it seems like my life is set. Yea sure, i'm doing the same routine boring things, but that what makes it so easy.

For good - i have no idea what i'm gonna do
the only happy thoughts is that i'll be with my parents
for all that i know, it won't be the same as having a vacation back
for me it'll be all downgrade
my independence-y of doing things, it'll be gone :(

so i think about it over and over and over, am i stupid or what? to choose the more uncertain path? the downgrade one?! i don't know...

He didn't tell me what He wanted me to do, but He did tell me: "I'll be with you" so that is how i come up with the decision to go back this year. I think...

The sermon last sunday:
Our God is a creative God and He loves us so much that He's willing to change His mind on us that is when we decide or when we want to do other things. He's willing to work with us. And that no matter how wrong the road that we take/took; He can change it. Bad to good. Death to life. Left to Right. Jesus loves me, i just need to trust that. I always think the bad that could happen and because i hated that thing or i'm weak at that; i think God will purposely, intendedly gives me that. Even if He did though, it's not to watch me suffer but because He loves me.

I did ask Him to give me peace so i can live joyfully. and i think He did answered that one through sunday's sermon.
God: "It doesn't matter, na."
Afterall, He did answer...

*blushed*