Decision

I was reading collin's park blog on the topic "Envy" (what he shared on last week pemuda session) and then i stumble upon this post/quote:

From Merton's Witness to Freedom:

[T]here is one basic idea that should be kept in mind in all the changes we make in life, whether of career or anything else. We should decide not in view of better pay, higher rank, "getting ahead," but in view of becoming more real, entering more authentically into direct contact with life, living more as a free and mature human person, able to give myself more to others, able to understand myself and the world better.
pp. 254-255, quoted in
Echoing Silence, Thomas Merton on the Vocation of Writing
edited by Robert Inchausti

I'm scared of changes that i know will be coming very very soon :(
i'm going back indo this time no more delaying, escaping nor denying
the harder road it is :'(
no financial stability
no definite future, except for heaven of course :'}
and tons and tons of hardships and struggles coming ahead
and questions like:
can i be a blessing there?
can i continue growing there?
can i finish strong?

on the other note, all these uncertainties teach me:
to be more dependent on Him as my provider and comfort, as my friend and God.

"I can't do this alone,
God I need you to hold on to me"
-Josh Wilson (Savior)