A leap of faith

This will be a long post and maybe a little confusing of ramblings and the thoughts of my head and heart :D

Finally taking a step to go back to Indonesia.
I can't believe it's been almost 6 months i'm stepping my foot at this place i now call home.
It's might not be the best decision but i do think it's the right thing to do.
I hope in time my parents will agree :) i think now there's on 70-30 not yet 100%

on my decision:
I didn't choose to stay because it seemed like is the easy way out; the easiest escape from my life and what i should do. I've lived a comfortable-secure-routine life in the US. I figured that going back home would make me stronger. That I would learn more there, and in the midst of life's little tragedies I would somehow grow.
aaaannd the re-sounding message from Brenda Salter McNeil (Urbana06) that said "Don't settle"

Although i can't deny that i terribly miss what i left behind :(
In Indo:
-I cherish my family time; time of praying together, breakfast, dinner, watching tv, to serve my parents in cooking and cleaning when our maid went home on Lebaran. To be here on my dad's and mom's birthday, that i have been missing for the past 10 years.
-I love being able to see my best friends again! to chat, share, shop, eat together, take pictures, being able to be here on their birthdays!!! and hopefully to all the coming-soon special occasions :D
-I did my mission trip! blessed and humbled <3 and blessed <3 again <3

Struggles:
- ministry, a whole lot different(the people, the rules, the program) and i really hate how some rules are not biblical yet need to be followed. I'm still finding my passion in this area, and my own personal reason with God on why i wanna do it
- job, although i'm extremely grateful for a God-loving boss, i wonder if i'm a good fit for this company, because clearly now i'm not doing accounting, different from what i expect it would be, different from things that i know-how-to and it doesn't necessarily bad. It's just a whole learning process, and i really wanna be effective and beneficial for the company
- family expectation (in career, life, love). i think this is self-explanatory
- to not loose sight from God; my purpose, my goal, my reason, my all

I might never know what the best decision is or the outcome if i didn't leave (will just might be better than my unstable condition now) but (convincing myself; i hate the fact that i need to convince myself; I'm sorry God that i am a woman of little faith):
I know i am responsible to trust in God, who knows the desires of my heart
In all uncertainties of life, God is the most certain! to whom i can hold on to and rely on, and no expectation of God will be too high, because He exceeds things and mind and condition and situation in all explanation possible.
and I should've known better because He's been good and forever will be.
Amen!

As i'm convinced and/or continue learning to be, i hope you are too, in whatever uncertainties you faced now, we're in it together and thank God for a God who never cease to convince us :)

I miss you all and you know who you are.
Always be in my prayer :)