God is The Source and everything else is a resource

WARNING: long post ahead, but please take your favorite drink and read it and hopefully be blessed.

What happen in JUNE:

1st. One of the helper that used to take care my grandparents (from my mom side) is sick in Belitung, so my eldest aunt decided to bring her to Jakarta to check on her. She’s been loosing a significant amount of weight and we fear somethings wrong. She’s been with our family for about 40 years. I think, you could say by now she’s like a family to my mom and aunts. She dedicated all her 40 years for us, she’s unmarried, she’s a great cook and she always cook+take care of us whenever we visit.

And after changing 3 hospitals and doctors, she finally diagnosed with this sickness we fear most. Blood-Cancer (multiple myeloma, if you wanna google). And it’s already at the end-stage. It hit her kidney bad, both of her kidneys damaged, we began doing dialysis for her last week. And soon will hit her brain, which will caused her unconscious. Of course we are all trying to help her the best that we can financially, but you know all of us has limitations, and for the first time i feel so frustrated because i can’t give what i want to give. I can’t help her out. She wanna be well, and i feel it’s wrong if we “cut” her chance by sending her back. I know and fully understand that this sickness cannot be cured, the only thing the doctor and medicine and treatment do is to slow the progress of her cancer. But still it’s unfair. Belitung has no facility for dialysis and when the cancer hit all her bones, she’ll be painful and i’m not sure the hospital there can handle her treatments. But if we send her back when it’s too late she won’t be able to meet her families back there. So it’s like we don’t know what to do. We’re hitting dead end on both decisions. We did check on how to bring her back and guess what, aside from the letter from hospital, must be accompanied by medical assistant and family member, we also MUST buy 12 seats - -“ which i think it’s ridiculous. I personally think 8 seats will be sufficient + it’s not like she’s contagious or anything.

The good thing is though, she wanted to accept Jesus as her savior and she asked for it too. I was pretty shocked as well, because none of her family member is a believer (they even went to “orang pinter” and ask the status of their sister, and the “orang pinter” said she cannot be healed). At first when i heard this, i asked God: why don’t You saved her and prove them all wrong. Why can’t You heal her and perform a miracle so the entire family will believe in You. But who am i right? To question Him. He’s in control and He knows what He’s doing. Right?

2nd. One of my uncle is sick too. He fell down a couple months ago and broke his arm. Now he’s completely bed-ridden, and lately he refuses to eat. He’s very skinny when i last saw him, recently he has a fever from the infection on his back from lying down too much. My aunt called my mom crying. His sickness mainly started from himself (mentally) he was badly hurt from his last job (i think falsely accused) and it affect him negatively, almost ruin him to this point. He has no confidence, he doesn't wanna see people, doesn't wanna go out, etc. He was recently asked to be baptized too, he said he want to accept Jesus. I prayed for him asking God to come meet him, give him peace and comfort and to be his confidence so he can get back up again. But you know up ‘til now he’s still weak and weaker if i may say.

3rd. My other aunt + uncle have to start their lives from 0. Because they got fooled by people and that made them fall into huge deep debt. They loose their house, their credit got ruin too. We keep praying for their faith so they can stay strong and for God to sustain them.

4th. With all things happened and with busyness at work, my mom is sick too. She lost his voice just a couple days ago. She still working (even though i asked her to rest and stay at home, it happened to be a crucial merger time in the company) and trying her best to be there for all the family member. To top it off, my dad is sick too. He’s been having pain on his legs, especially on his knee. And he refuses to go to the doctor. This whole thing get me so frustrated. He also think that this is not the right time to go, both timing and financial reasons especially, because we also helping out what we can for the cancer treatment. But it upsets me that he thinks he is less important than what happen now, and that he’ll be a burden financially. He’s never a burden because i love him! I wish he could understand that God will sustain us even when we’re not rich. Right? We have never give ‘til it hurts and i wish we can do that as a family not foolishly but sincerely, genuinely. Because You’re on our side when we do so, right God? And i can trust my parents with you right God? When we help out others, they’re not going to be sick too. Right?

 I still wanna help out what i can. I've been holding on to “more love is always better than no love at all” and i asked God last night: God i thought you say: love never fails. Even though everyone said she’s dying i still wanna help and even though they said the money’ll go to waste i still sincerely wanna fight for her.  I wish You would heal her. I wish nothing go to waste.

5th. We’re planning (from last month) to move this weekend (we have a long weekend in Indonesia) but unfortunately with all that happened i’m almost positive we have to postpone.

As i ended the day last night in tears from discouragement of what happened, on what my dad thinks, disappointed wishing i have a different better financial situations, i came across this post on Proverbs 31 ministries Facebook page. “God is the source and everything else is a resource.” (Please click for bigger picture so you can read it better)

I feel like i fell down, but get carried now.

Please pray for us to keep our faith, relying on God the provider despite what happened or what will happen. Because only then we can come out victoriously. Only with God. no-one else, nothing else.

And i hope even though this post is rather long, sad and somewhat discouraging, you will get that feeling of being carried as well J

P.S.:

Lesson learned: you know how i like being sick (because i like the attention), i’ve learned well, i don’t wanna be sick, i wish i can be healthy the rest of my life. I realize it’s a choice for me and it’s a selfish choice to be sick. If you are fortunate enough to have a choice of being healthy/not, please always choose healthy for your sake and people around you. And always learn to save. Early. Even when you don’t need , just save it first. (save=nabung)